Grey Hair

Meeting other twins is astonishing.
Each so different yet so similar. They're so separate yet such a team.

I suppose meeting those two twin boys this morning prompted me to reexamine the social miracle provided in the twin relationship.

So for all of those who over the years have asked me or my brother what it's like to be a twin, I'm sorry that my answers at the time were lame. I hope this will give you a slightly more realized insight into my experience as a twin.

Comparison. This is probably the most significant struggle I have encountered as a twin. It's natural and everyone has been compared to others at some point, but not as critically or with such regularity that twins undergo. Honestly, comparison was one of the most damaging aspects of my childhood and adolescence. I ingrained that comparison within me and unconsciously compared us in nearly every situation. The result was an inferiority complex. Being the introvert between my brother and I, I didn't have the same social stamina as him and my needed alone time seemed to me a weakness instead of a wonderful aspect of my personality.

I don't mention this to pout, rather to illustrate the social intensity that can occur within such an intimate relationship.

Shared experience. Want to know how we can say the same thing at the exact same time or guess what the other person is thinking? We have all the same experiences. We know all the same jokes, we went to all the same places, we read all the same books, we did everything together. It wasn't until he picked up piano at age ten that there was much of a differentiation in experience between us. This shared experience is one of the most lovely parts of the relationship. It's what old couples achieve after decades of marriage or best friends touch on through adolescence. I love my brother's faults. Though I may take the brunt of them the majority of the time, I love him entirely. Because I know him. Not entirely, no, but enough. I know what advice he'll give me before he gives it and vice versa.

That's probably the aspect of twins that most people overlook. There is the assumption of frustration and arguments, and yes we've had our fair share of both, but on the flip side there is such a beautiful intimacy that can be had.

Forever. My brother and I are a package deal. We let prospective romantic interests know early on that they can't have one brother closely in their life without the other as well. We've grow past codependency, but we are still very much a unit and a team. I know that nothing will ever break my bond with my twin. Honestly, nothing. And that's probably one of the more comforting things I've ever felt.

But I must remind you that for twins to work together well, it takes a lot of work. Like, a lot lot of work. As with any relationship, yes. We are strikingly different people and we still barely comprehend how the other person views life. But this relationship has sculpted my life to the extent that I properly cannot be successful in life right now without my brother.

I love my twin.
Because, when I was born, my best friend was born three minutes behind me.
And he will always be my best friend.