Open Book, Open Heaven

"A teacher never talks during a test, but I've got good news. It's always an open book test." -Jabin Chavez

I first heard this when a speaker at a large retreat was preaching about a year ago. I stood up in the presence of a thousand others youths and screamed, "amen" with my dear brother. It wasn't until quite recently, though, that that quote actually really tangibly made sense to me.

After leading a worship set for a small congregation a bit ago, a lady shared something with me. She opened up about a vision that she had whilst I was leading worship. As she talked to me, she explained how when I was leading worship and when I was praying, the heavens had opened up and those praises and those prayers had gone right up into heaven. Then, streaming lights began to fall down upon the earth, lighting it up.

I was amazed.

Worship had been awesome and it had been a superb time seeking the Lord, but what she said opened my eyes to something I never imagined. After just walking though a huge season of struggle and being in one at that time, to hear something like that blew my mind.

"The truth is right in front of you. Can you see it?" -Rich Harris 

I thank the Lord that He holds onto us though it all. 

And, as it says in 2 Timothy 2:13, "if we are faithless, He remains faithful— for He cannot deny Himself."

He is always there. 

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble." -Psalm 46:1

Words Will Never Be Enough

I've been wanting to say something for so long. I want to get it out.
My heart wants to scream, just to scream.
It seemed there is little holding me back from completely going over the edge. Which is odd. I've never really thought about actually losing it. It's an interesting state of inquiry. Some days I can see the line and hear the quiet whisper pulling me into reason and purpose. Sometimes I walk simply as a ghost. Either I have my eyes on reality, or I don't.

Yup, I'm human.

Oh, how I long to step fully into reality and be rid of my self-inflicted state of confusion.
I don't know. I never know. I never will.
And that's okay. I know I don't have the answers, I have peace with that.
But being so lost and broken is... exhausting.
Sometimes I can see the ground under me, sometimes not.

God, I need you.

So much desperation. There is no question about it.
It's either Him or nothing. I have no choice but to say, "I trust You."
I have no "Plan B." There is no contingency plan.
Everyday He has to show up.

Without You, I am nothing.

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen."

Lord, help me.