It's been a long time. A very long time.
I'd like to say that life is confusing and that's what has prolonged a postings, but the reality is, it's not.
Life is quite simple. There are absolutes. There is right and wrong.
People though, (can be, through their own choices) confusing.
And that's what I've began to see in my life.
I never believed that I had it down, that life was easy, but I did think that I had good standards and that if I remained in them I would be okey. I knew I had to do the Lord's will and walk in His ways. And I thought that I was doing alright. I had something going. I knew what I was doing. (Seeing a theme?)
Anyway, caught up in my own selfish contempt I opened my self up to evil in a way I never expected.
And, when it came, I didn't rely on the only true God, whose power is the only things worth relying on. No, I chose to lean on my self. (And If you've ever tried to lean on your self it doesn't really work out to well.)
Due to this decision, I found myself in a depressing predicament (or as some call it, a depicament).
Like I do, when something very not-so-good is going on in me, I secluded myself into the back recesses of my mind, trying to hide from the world and even God. When this happens, my entire personality changes. I come from my normal overly talkative and annoyingly energetic self to a quite secluded self who talks rarely.
In this time many things happened. I stepped into a period where I knew I was outside of God's will and I hated it, but through emotion and flesh, held my self back from coming before God and finding hope in His blood. To be brutally honest, that period sucked. And, I hated being like that every second.
Now it made me realize, that people permanently live like that. I can't understand how they can bare to live like that, but from a personal stand point, I'm so glad it's over.
When you lose something, you become much more grateful for it than ever before.
For all those Pixar fans, it's like the main character in Brave. After having something taken away from her all she wanted was for it (her mother) back. She didn't ask anything else, she she realized how much she loved her and all she could do was want her back.
So in that sense, when I stepped out side of the will of God, all I wanted to do was get back into it.
And just like the movie, through a miraculous miracle (for me, Jesus' blood.) I got back what I lost.
