..............................i love you..............................
          ..............................i always will..............................
                    ..............................i'm here........................................
                              ....................though i'm lost........................................
                                       .....................i'm here..................................................
                                            ......................though i'm broken........................................
                                       ...................you know i will fall........................................
                              ...................you know i will shatter........................................
                    ...................so don't try to save me..............................
          ....................because only he..............................
.............................can........................................        

Solitude

          “Spirituality is not to be learned by flight from the world, 

          or by running away from things, 

          or by turning solitary and going apart from the world. 

          Rather, 

          we must learn an inner solitude wherever 

          or with whomsoever we may be. 

          We must learn to penetrate things and find God there.” 

          Meister Eckhart

Pouring out, spilling over

To drown me

to swallow me

Slits on my wrists, slits on yours

Flooding out

again again again

Draining more than you know

Letting go more than you want

i can’t stop it

If you help me, then you bleed

If you’re fixed, then I bleed

over and over and over

What to stop the rush

What to bring the calm

to breed more than a corpse

My veins run dry

Yours run out

of what we need

Fainting

Cannot stand to see this anymore

no more please

Please

Someone who won’t die when I touch them

who won’t run out

Blood that won’t spill vainly as mine

Some to help us

to mend

Hold my tears

Feel my scars

i don’t want to be alone

i want you to help me

but I’m scared

please help my unbelief

Wander

a

little










farther

אמת

Truth

“The perfection that we can muster up.”
“The love that we can convey.”
“The vulnerability that we give to others.”
“The only thing that’s real.”

I am an imperfect man living in a shattered world.
Crawling to my feet, crawling to see the light, straining to see the understanding.
What can I give to this world? What can I give to my loved ones? What have I to offer?

My love? Yes. But how?
How do I say it, how do I show them, how do I convey the cascade of blood pumping within my soul?

Truth. All I can offer. All I can give. I’ll give you the truth and no lie.
I’ll give you the reality and nothing but. Here’s my heart, I’m not hiding it.

This is my turn. You can rub up next to me, wrap your arms around, sit quite close.
But I don’t feel that. So I’ll give you what I can.
I’ll speak the language I’ve been taught by my heart and my soul.
This is honesty. This is truth. My love for all of you.

I will not lie, because I love you.
On the day that I lie to your face, you have found a man who loves no more.
Pray you don’t find me there.

Here I am.
A man who loves with a word of truth and a sentence from his heart.
I’m not hiding. Look inside. This is me.

Micah 7:8

I laugh so I don't have to cry.

I smile so I don't have to moan.

I sing so I don't have to wail.

I dance so I don't have to crawl.

I live so I don't have to die.

I am joyful even if not happy.
I am alive even if surrounded by death.
I have hope even when broken.
I've found love even in desolation.

I am not strong, but I am sustained.

I am not good, but I am filled.

I am not able, but I am walking.

I will fall, but I will rise.

I will walk in darkness, but the Lord will be a light unto me.

Shell

          I looked in the mirror.

          That's not me.

          I stared deep into his blue eyes.

          No. That can't be me. I'm me and that... isn't.

          His eyes followed my every movement.

          How am I so different from this? This is what everyone else sees.

          But not me. I know what's deeper. That can't be me.

          I spoke to the man in the glass.

          What are you to me? What do I do with you?

          The man just blinked and walked away.